


A Roadtrip and a Robot

by literally_annie_leonhardt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: How Do I Tag, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Roadtrip, dirks birthday, theres a robot too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4390913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_annie_leonhardt/pseuds/literally_annie_leonhardt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The beta kids are on their way from central Texas to somewhere in Ohio to celebrate Dirk's birthday. On the way there, John finds a news article about a road-tripping robot. Adventure ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> woo my first work in the homestuck fandom!! this is based on a 100% real news article my dad found the other night. and of course, the first thing i think of when he reads it is "hot diddly darn that could be a really cool fic" and here we are
> 
> well i hope you enjoy!! ill add to this as soon as i can, which will probably be soon as i actually have a plan for this fic lmao

==>

Your name is Dave Strider and you are presently driving down a seemingly endless highway with John in the passenger seat, and Rose and Jade in the back. The girls are asleep, and have been since around Tupelo, Mississippi. That leaves you and John to yourselves, which you are kind of glad about. You get some quality bro time, which figure you need.

 

You and your carful of people are on your way to Ohio to visit your brother, Dirk, and his “housemate”, Jake. It is Dirk’s birthday soon, and you and your friends decided it would be fun to surprise him with a party. This meant you had to leave a couple days in advance because of how fucking long it takes to get from central Texas to Ohio. The plan is to get to Tennessee by midnight of the first day, crash at Jane’s house, and get back on the road and be at your bro’s house on his birthday. So far, it’s going down pretty well; there is minimal traffic, not too much sun, and it’s a reasonable temperature outside. This allows you to keep the windows open, despite the howling of the air through the open windows as your car rips across the open road. You find the noise oddly relaxing, more so than the radio.

 

Next to you, John is reading various news articles on his phone. Apparently that’s how he spends his time these days. You think that the news is a horrible way to pass time, but he probably thinks the same about your music-making. At least it keeps him quiet. This leaves you to your thoughts, which currently consist of how long you’ve been on the road and when it’s John’s turn to take over driving. You figure that you’ve been driving for about forty-five minutes so far, and Rose drove for about an hour and a half before you took her spot. You internally sigh.

 

==> Be Dave, 10 minutes later

 

You hit your first real traffic jam of the trip. Great. You roll up the windows and press the “on” button on the radio, and find a station playing some decent music. John is still scrolling through the news titles, occasionally stopping to read a headline or two. He stops at one that he finds particularly interesting, and reads it aloud.

 

“Hitchhiking robot embarking on south-to-north journey,” he says, and you admit that is kind of interesting.

 

“What?” you say, turning your head a bit so youre looking at him and the road at the same time. “Ain’t hitchhiking illegal?”

 

“Well, yes, but this is a robot. Not a human. So I assume the laws don’t matter,” he said, clicking on the article. He reads the first few lines aloud.

 

“‘This robot is on the move, and probably isn’t planning to take over the galaxy.’” He chuckles a bit there. “‘HitchBOT, created by Sollux Captor and Roxy Lalonde, began its journey from Florida to Maine on Monday of last week, in the passenger seat of its creators’ lab van. It was dropped off 35 miles down the highway from its starting point, at a gas station near Disney World. Captor and Lalonde checked the location a few hours later, and when the robot wasn’t there, declared the experiment officially started.’” John looks over to you with some excitement visible in his eyes.

 

“Isn’t that cool?” He said, “If this was last Monday, that means the robot is probably somewhere around Tennessee by now. What if we see it on our way to Dirk and Jake’s?”

 

“Dunno. Maybe we can pick it up or somethin’,” you say, careful to keep the enthusiasm in your voice to a minimum.

 

You have to admit though, this is quite interesting.

 

“Keep readin’ that article. I wanna learn more about this law-breakin’ hunk a’ metal.”

 

“Alright. ‘HitchBOT was a month-long building project, overseen mainly by Captor. When that was finished, Lalonde oversaw the programming portion. Its skeleton is made out of mostly plexiglass and aluminum, to ensure that it won’t get too beat up in its travels. The travelling robot is programmed to state where it is headed when approached by a human, and to tell that it is excited to accompany anyone on their way to wherever they’re going. It also can detect when it’s being moved, and whether it’s into or out of a  vehicle. Once it detects the interior of a vehicle, it takes photos through its “eyes” every 20 minutes, and can tell random facts and even carry on simple conversations.’”

 

John pauses reading for a moment.

 

“Wow, that is so cool! It’s such a cool idea to send a robot on an adventure like this. And all that programming they must have done!”

 

“Pretty impressive. Hats off to Captor and Lalonde.” You move your shades up and down as if you were tipping a hat.

 

“Hmm... Roxy Lalonde... isn’t that Rose’s step-sister?”

 

“Yeah, I think she mentions ‘er once in a while. ‘Parently she went to Harvard on a huge scholarship. Rose mostly talks ‘bout her drinkin’ though. Legend has it parties with her get fuckin’ wild.”

 

“Well, she seems like an amazing scientist too!” John says as he looks out the windshield at the huge traffic jam ahead of you. “I wonder what happened?”

 

“No idea. Pro’ly an accident or somethin’.”

 

“Check the highway advisory station? I think it’s 4130 AM.”

 

You fiddle with the radio until you figure out how to switch it from FM to AM, and find the station. Unsurprisingly, there is an accident about half a mile from where you are right now. That’s just perfect. You change the station back to the music you had on before, relax into the comfortable car chair, and think some more about the robot.

 


	2. Chapter 2

==> Be John

You make it past the accident in a little less than half an hour. The good news is that you are only half an hour behind schedule, as there were no setbacks before that. Dave decides to stop off in a town called Webster, Mississippi to stretch your legs, use the bathroom, and get some snacks. This also means you’ll have to take over driving when you get back in the car. You don’t mind driving, you were just having a rather good time reading up on hitchBOT. 

Dave drives through Webster for a while before stumbling upon a gas station that he deems “worthy of his presence”. You roll your eyes at this. The whole time you’re driving around, the GPS mounted on the windshield is telling you to make u-turns and recalculating every 10 seconds. You reach up to mute it.

By the time you actually figure out how to mute it, Dave is pulling into a spot at a Shell gas station parking lot. It’s a quite nice-looking place, for a gas station, with a little bench under the large window next to the front door. There are also small pots of flowers on the curb of the sidewalk leading up to the door, and little fairy lights hung along the gutter. Dave gets out of the car first, and goes to the back door to get Rose and Jade to wake up and go into the station.

“C’mon, ladies. Time ta’ get up’n’ choose a snack an’ take a piss.”

He pokes Rose in the shoulder as he says this. The girls wake up and slowly get out of the car.

“Now Dave, you didn’t have to say it that way,” Rose says, stretching her arms a bit.

“Yeah, I did. Now what’d I say? Time for snacks an’ pissin’.”

By then, you are out of the car and join Dave at the door. You move back to allow Rose to get out, and Jade gets out on her side. Your party migrates over to the front door. Only then do you realize that there are two other cars in the parking lot, one of which surely belongs to the owner, but the other one is kind of idly sitting in the lot. You can see a couple people’s silhouettes in the car, and another shape you can’t place. You shrug it off and walk into the gas station with your group.

“A’ight y’all, I wanna be on the road again in ten minutes. So go choose a snack er two, take your piss,” he looks at Rose as he says that word. You can tell because of the slight smirk and turn of his head. “An’ get out ta’ the car a-s-a-p. We’ve got like, half an hour of bein’ stuck in traffic to make up.”

You obey his order, and walk over to the bathrooms as Dave picks out his snack - an apple juice and a quite large bag of Doritos - so you can switch places later. Rose and Jade do the same, with Jade following you over to the bathrooms.

You quickly do your business and go to choose a snack as well, and put it on the counter next to Dave’s. So far on the counter is Dave’s aj and Doritos, your Swedish Fish, and a small coffee which you assume is Rose’s. Jade then exits the bathroom and heads over to the refrigerators. She chooses an iced tea in a can, grabs a bag of trail mix, and puts the items on the counter with your pile. The person behind the counter rings up your quite large order while Rose uses the bathroom, and your whole group is back outside almost exactly 10 minutes after you entered the station.

Everyone is walking toward the car, and don’t pay any mind to the bench you noticed when you walked in. Everyone except you, of course. Your eyes widen a bit in surprise and recognition when you see the thing sitting on the bench.

“Oh my God! Dave! Lookit that!” You yell across the parking lot, pointing to the bench.

==> Be Dave

You really don’t want to be any more behind then you already are, but you spite John and turn around. And sure enough, sitting on the bench with its left thumb up, is the robot he was reading about earlier.

“Well I’ll be damned,” you say, walking toward the bot for a closer look. You stand in front of it next to John while it talks to you.

“Hello citizen! My name is hitchBOT and I am on my way to Maine. Would you care to help me with a ride? I would be delighted to accompany you to wherever you’re off to!”

“Oh my God, it really talks!” John says.

“‘Aint that what the newspaper said? I’d hope the news a’ all things would tell ya the truth.”

“Well you never know,” John says, turning toward the robot. “So, would you like to join us on our trip?”

“Woah, woah there babe. I neva’ said we were actually gonna take ‘im with us.”

“Aww, why not Dave? It looks so hopeful. Can we just take it with us for a little while?”

“Y’know what, sure. What’s another thing in the car with us? I mean there is prolly enough room. It’s actually kinda cute.”

“So, hitchBOT, would you want to accompany us?”

“Yes, I would be honored, citizen! Thank you for your kindness!”

With that, you and John take the robot off the bench and lucky for the both of you, it has a wheel contraption built in to the bottom. You push it across the lot to your car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading so far :^) you rock and i hope you stick around for future chapters
> 
> sidenote: my favorite line so far is "'Yeah, I did. Now what’d I say? Time for snacks an’ pissin’.'"
> 
> sidenote 2: i have a tumblr!! hmu at gah-deh-ar-reh.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

==>

 

“What on earth is that?” Rose asks when you make it over to the car.

 

“Long story short, your new seatmate. Move over so we can get ‘im in.”

 

“Hello! My name is hitchBOT!”

 

“Oh my god, it talks!” Jade says. “Hello hitchBOT! Are you gonna come with us to Dirk’s?”

 

“I am a robotic travelling compan-”

 

“Nah, hes jus’ comin’ with us to Jane’s,” you say, effectively cutting off the sentence. “I don’t wanna tow ‘im all the way ta Ohio. Now move ya’ ass so we can get ‘im inta the car.”

 

Luckily, the backseat of your car is quite spacious, so everyone fits with a high degree of relative comfort. You have to admit the whole thing is rather odd. There is a four-foot-tall hitchhiking robot sitting in the middle of the bench seat in your car with the only reason being that your boyfriend happened to stumble upon a news article featuring it.

 

Once everyone in the back is situated, John gets into the driver’s seat. He put the key in the ignition but doesn’t turn it, and reaches into his pocket to fish out his phone.

 

“How about a selfie to commemorate this adventure?” John says as he opens the camera app.

 

“You can take photos of me and post them to #hitchbot!”

 

“If a selfie’ll shut ‘im up, I’m all for it.”

 

“C’mon Dave, don’t be rude.”

 

“Fine, a’ight, everyone get in frame.”

 

You all lean towards the middle of the car and huddle around the robot as John takes a ridiculous amount of photos.

 

“Fun fact! The first selfie ever was taken was in 1839, by Robert Cornelius in Philadelphia!”

 

“How incredibly fascinating,” you say, “Thank ya kindly, hitchbot, for serenadin’ my earholes with that fun fact.”

 

“It is my pleasure to serenade your earholes!”

 

“Woah, imagine how much programming went into making it able to learn and repeat phrases!”

 

“Roxy mus’ be some sort a’ programmin’ genius, I guess.”

 

“Roxy?” Rose says. “As in Roxy Lalonde? My step-sister programmed it?”

 

“Yes, indeed! Roxy Lalonde was the head of my programming department!”

 

“John, please start drivin’. B’fore we went inta that store, we were half an hour behind. I gave us 10 minutes for a reason. We ‘ave now increased those 10 minutes ta 20 minutes. We’ll be lucky ta get to Jane’s b’fore 1:30 am now.”

 

“Alright, alright, I’ll start driving, gosh. Why are you so obsessed with how long we take at a gas station?”

 

“I jus’ wanna get there quick. Jus’ please start drivin’.”

 

John exits the parking lot of the gas station and the GPS tells him how to get back on the highway. You drive in silence for no less than 5 minutes before the robot in the back seat starts talking again.

 

“We are on the highway now, yes or no?”

 

“Are ya serious,” you say, barely making it a question.

 

“Please answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’. We are on the highway now, yes or no?”

 

“Yes, we’re on the damn highway again.”

 

“Thank you, stranger.”

 

“No problem, bro.”

 

==> 15 minutes later

 

“Fun fact! The average unladen European swallow flies at about 24 miles per hour!”

 

“Why would anyone on earth need ta know that?” You ask, annoyed that the robot derailed your train of thought.

 

“I need to know it so I am adequately equipped to tell my drivers some interesting facts!”

 

“A’ight, I got that, but why do I need ta know that?”

 

“To make your drive interesting! It’s not a roadtrip without a few interesting facts!”

 

“A’ight, so tell me how it goes so fast. If ya want me ta learn somethin’ interestin’, at least tell me the science behind it.”

 

“I do not understand that question.”

 

“That’s what I thought, ya hunk a lead.”

 

“Actually, I’m made out of mostly plexiglass and aluminum, with some rubber here and there!”

 

“Oh, I got some rubber too, if ya know what I mean,” you say, with a smirk and nudging John’s shoulder.

 

“Okay, okay, that’s where I draw the line. Dave, shut up. Hitchbot, please be quiet.”

 

“Not a problem, stranger!”

 

John’s request for the robot to shut up worked for about 20 more minutes, until the obligatory hitchbot photo, accompanied by another ‘fun fact’.

 

“Fun fact! Microwaves were discovered to heat things when a chocolate bar in a scientist’s pocket melted while they were working with the waves!”

 

“I ‘ave to admit, that was pretty interestin’. You seem to ‘ave stepped up your game, bitchbot.”

 

“My name is hitchBOT, thank you very much!”

 

“Gettin’ defensive, are we?”

 

“I do not understand that question.”

 

“Good, now shut up.”

 

With that, everything is quiet again, and you are left to your thoughts. John is concentrating on the road, and the girls have fallen asleep again, despite your bickering with the robot. Which is good, you guess, as they will be in charge of driving during the later hours.

 

You sigh and take out your phone. You listen to your music to take your mind off the slight carsickness you feel coming on. The music initiates some completely ironic chair-dancing until you glance over at John. He looks kind of tense so you reach over and place your hand on his shoulder.

 

“‘Ey man, what’s wrong? Ya look nervous abou’ somethin’.”

 

“Oh, it’s nothing really. I was just wondering what’s going to happen to hitchbot after we drop him off. I really hope Roxy and Sollux made a successful experiment. And it’s going so well so far! He’s made it all the way from southern Florida! But what if he never finishes his journey?”

 

“Are ya seriously that worried about a robot? I mean, sure, they worked very hard on ‘im, but that all but guarantees that ‘e’ll make it to Maine. Would they ‘ave sent ‘im out inta the world if they didn’t think ‘e could survive?”

 

“Well no, bu-”

 

“Exactly. ‘E’ll be fine. After we make it ta Jane’s and sleep a bit we’ll find a nice gas station like the one we found ‘im at and leave ‘im for someone else ta find. ‘E’ll be completely fine. Like ya said, ‘he made it this far, right?”

 

“Yeah, I guess. Thanks for that, dork. Did we get enough ahead to stop at a Dunkin’ Donuts or something?”

 

“Hey sure. I could go for a coffee.”

  
You lean around to face the back of the car, and poke the girls’ knees. They wake up a bit so you ask if they want something, and they say yes. It becomes your job to keep watch of the street signs to see if there are any Dunkin’ Donuts nearby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my longest chapter so far omg also its so dialog heavy i apologize
> 
> also! i changed my tumblr url since i last updated, so hmu at joe-tro.tumblr.com if you want i guess idk ily either way


End file.
